Interview with Balalaigos

I heard you were the chef of the potato inn ?

- Oh this is true, and I must say to the very beginning that bribing and blackmailing the owners with some sensitive photography had nothing to do with me getting the position.

How long are you a chef?

- As long as I can keep the photography in a safe position and try to frame Geolas for eating most of the disappeared food. It's been very easy so far, I've just used my uber l33t haxor skills and manipulated the security films

What are your best pies? and how do you make them?

- I must say that the best pie is definately the pie I'm currently making. Mainly because it usually means that it's the pie I can gobble down in in the very near future. I usually bake pies through thick glass where are holes for the hands and all the ingredients on the other side of the glass. This way I can minimize the risk of me eating for example all the flour before it reaches the bowl. I've marinated the glass with coconuts(which are totally unappropriate for hobbit nutrition, pretty much the only thing), so that it repels me and furthermore makes the ingredients life expectancy remarkably longer. I also like very much of the pies I can nick from raiders while they're busy staying alive. Especially elf guardians, they're so squishy and tender
I heard you eat most of the pies yourself instead of selling them?

- Nonono, this is just terrible propaganda and lies spread by jealous,mischievous, stupid and ugly. Did I mention that they are stupid? I could never do such thing, even though I'm known to fall often mouth first towards the food I'm serving...But what can I do to the fact I'm a little clumsy? An innocent casualty of circumstances that's all!






Any new recipes to do with making pies ?

- Now that you mention, I've got one. It's main ingredient is styrox. It's easy to eat with lots of fluid and it swells up nicely after reaching your stomach. This is also a good way to make yourself look fat and healthy if you got a big date and you look like a stick with a nose. Naturally this has increased the competition for me, but everyone knows that I'm au naturel and only use this recepie when I want to show off and during family reunions to keep granny for nagging me for not to eat well enough. This because her eyesight has grown poor during the years and she can't see anything smaller than a barn even though it's right in front of her.

How do you stay in such a good and round shape?

- it's not easy I tell you and it has took me years to master the art..Just thinking of the nights unslept when my coach and guru from far east, Mi Eatsalot, was whipping my when I only was able to eat 127 times as much as an elf...Those were the days... Now I have to get up everyday at 5.00a.m and enjoy a light breakfast until 10.00a.m, then 2hours of rigorous mouth muscle exersices to prevent any injuries during the day. Then lunch which I enjoy in several all you can eat-buffets through middle-earth. They're just so poorly prepared these days, and owners are such crybabies just because they got bankrupt for the third time that week...Makes me sad... This usually last just long enough before it's time for dinner when it's time for me to visit local farms, spread rumours of wolves around and then with haste nick the cattle leaving wolf hair around and such...They're so stupid, most of them are elves so that explains a lot! Of course there are snacks between meals not forgetting the midnight snack, but those are such small meals I don't even count them as anything...maybe a lamb or two tops.

Safe travels, may your stomachs never be empty!